It Does Not Mean What You Think It Means
This post is the second post of a two-part set on “servant leadership.” The first one focused on a few techniques to develop a servant-leader mindset at home. This post focuses on some ways to establish servant-leadership habits at work no matter where you might fall in the proverbial food-chain.
In the classic 1987 movie “The Princess Bride,” the Sicilian criminal mastermind, Vizzini, repeatedly uses the infamous imperative, “Inconceivable!”. Consequently, the character Inigo Montoya declares to him, “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.” And so goes the use by many in the professional world of the term “servant leadership.” It is often used, but I do not think it means what many [bosses] think it means.
Most of us work in places where we have other people around us. Some of us are bosses while almost all of us have bosses. And unless you are self-employed and never leave your house you probably have co-workers and colleagues. The beautiful thing about having a servant leader mindset is it works in all three directions: down with subordinates, up with bosses, and across with peers.
Servant-Leadership Defined
So what does servant leadership look like? Simply stated, it is putting others first, even at the expense of your own time, resources, reputation, and ambitions. For example, it means observing your coworker at the end of the day struggling to finish a project and insisting you want to help them out.
If done right, servant leadership is a lot of work. However, the payoff is enormous in terms of increasing personal job satisfaction, fostering a positive work environment, and increasing personal resiliency. In time your return on investment will make the extra work feel effortless.
The cool part is most dads already know how to do this and how to be this. It comes naturally for dads and moms. Families with healthy dynamics know how to put others first. Good husbands put their wives first (“No, where would you like to go eat?”). Good dads work extra shifts to pay for kids’ club sports teams. Good neighbors rake the elderly neighbor’s yard after a storm.
But what about at work? Why should I try to be a “servant-leader” there as well? The tips bellow lay out a few concrete actions you can take to demonstrate servant-leadership.
7 Ways to Be a Servant Leader at Work
1. Get to know your coworkers. (Even the ones you might not want to know better.)
When you show a sincere interest in the people with whom you work, you are demonstrating they matter to you. And they matter not because of what they do for you, or the organization, but because of who they are. Some vocations and professions are much more transactional and less relational. You’ll just have to work a little harder at this if that’s your world.
Start small and basic. Hopefully it’s not a stretch to ask someone how their weekend went. Go deeper though. Ask about their families or hobbies. If you don’t want to get personal, ask for their opinion on one of your projects or their idea of how to do something better.
People generally like to talk about themselves, so this shouldn’t be too hard. According to a journal quoted in Scientific American, “On average, people spend 60 percent of conversations talking about themselves—and this figure jumps to 80 percent when communicating via social media platforms such as Twitter or Facebook.” If you are an introvert or just don’t like people (I work with a few guys in both categories), this will be a stretch. So stretch.
Keep in mind servant-leadership is about putting others first. Your coworkers, boss, or subordinates may or may not reciprocate the affirmation. That’s alright because in time they will come to know you as a man who genuinely cares about their well-being. When that happens, coming to work becomes a whole lot easier.
2. Give positive feedback.
Most of us were raised with the adage, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Unfortunately, many of us have worked with, and for, people that only say something when it isn’t nice. Don’t be that guy. Instead, be a servant-leader who goes out of their way to provide a kind word to those around you.
Offering genuine accolades is particularly meaningful when you tell your coworkers what you think about the great work, project, idea, etc. they had. This affirms their work, and it shows them you are the kind of peer that believes in the team’s success and not just your own. It’s always better to have someone cheer you on when you make good rather than contribute in silence.
This concept applies to our bosses as well. Servant-leadership means we sometimes need to “lead up.” Now I’m not advocating for sucking up to your supervisor or manager. However, I do believe it’s healthy to tell your boss occasionally you think they made the right decision or you appreciate their work. This is hard to do when we don’t like or agree with our bosses. We still need to look for those opportunities when we can offer a word of encouragement up the chain of command.
3. Give credit to your team for your successes.
This idea closely relates to the previous one. The difference is this tenet of servant-leadership means we publicly attribute our personal successes to the team. This is unnatural in a culture that celebrates individual accomplishment more than collective success.
The inverse to this idea is having a boss or chief executive who is quick to take the podium and accept an award only to give lip-service, if anything, to his subordinates for the prize. Servant-leadership tells everyone it’s the team’s hard work, ingenuity, creativeness, etc. that drives success; not the individual’s.
Recently I was recognized as the “supervisor of the quarter” in my organization. I was surprised and honored. There is no way my accomplishments were a result of just my work. It was only because I have a fantastic team of great employees who happen to be great people. With a team like ours, we should be winning awards. As a case point, our manager was named manager of the year recently, and one of my guys was named “employee of the quarter” last quarter. It always takes a team. Servant-leadership means we never forget that.
4. Take responsibility for your team’s shortcomings or mistakes.
This concept is definitely counter-intuitive. It goes against our instincts because it means taking the heat when something goes wrong because the team, or even an individual, made a mistake. This does not mean we do not hold individuals accountable. It means when there is a team or organizational failure a servant-leader shoulders the burden.
The U.S. Navy recently experienced a series of ship-to-ship collisions. In each incident, several leaders were relieved of their duties. This included the captains of the vessels even when they were not “on deck” when the ships collided. Some might think this is unusually harsh. Perhaps, but those captains were ultimately responsible for setting the conditions that led to those incidents. I don’t know if those captains demonstrated servant-leadership leading up to those collisions, but they were forced to do so in the end.
Taking one on the chin for the team’s misstep does not mean being a martyr. Rather it involves not shifting the blame to someone else. It does not look for a “fall guy.” It establishes something went wrong, and the servant-leader will do everything he can to understand why. It also infers he will do everything possible to prevent it from happening again.
When there is a failure or mistake our sense of self-preservation kicks in causing us to make excuses or point fingers. Servant-leaderships drives a man to say, “It’s my fault, and it won’t happen again.” The organization knows if it is really the servant-leaders fault or not. When it is not his fault, yet he takes on the responsibility, he earns the trust and respect of his subordinates, his peers, and his bosses.
5. Ask your coworkers for input.
Servant-leadership is most natural to explain in the context of leaders and followers, but there is a strong component of peer leadership as well. This holds true whether you work in an office environment, in the field, or perhaps with a virtual team.
Over the years I have observed this is also the most challenging kind of leadership. This is simple to explain. We have no formal authority over our peers, and they are just as experienced as we are. This is also why we should be quick to solicit their input and feedback.
When we ask our peers for their advice, we demonstrate humility. (By now you’ve probably figured out this is an underlying attribute to servant-leadership.) Humility, in turn, proves to our colleagues we are not competing with them and we value their success as much as ours. This subsequently establishes trust with our peers. In this capacity, we are serving our colleagues and putting them first. Again, this is servant-leadership.
Building trust with our coworkers, particularly those at the same level in the organization, has another benefit. It models positive behavior for our subordinates. It shows them how to work more collaboratively with THEIR peers and to think of the team above the individual. If we are in constant conflict with our peers, yet we expect our subordinates to work together, we are being hypocritical. This is not servant-leadership.
6. Have negative conversations in private and ask for feedback.
Let’s face it unless you are a self-employed and do not interact with another soul at work, there is going to be friction with other employees. At first glance, this tenet seems to relate only to the leader-subordinate relationship, but in fact, it applies to all negative conversations.
The first step here is to have the conversation. Some people are merely conflict-averse. They would instead let an issue linger and go unresolved rather than actually talk about it. I think this is detrimental to interpersonal relationships and undermines the health of the organization. Others people seem to be all about negative conversations. Either way, the dialogue should be in person if possible and in private always. Keeping in mind the principle of “others first,” a servant-leader initiates the conversation even if they are the one created the issue.
While there are several techniques on how to best talk about the issue (e.g., use “I” statements, acknowledge your part in the matter, etc.) the point here is to have a civil discourse about the issue behind closed doors. You may need to counsel a subordinate for poor performance or talk to a peer about a disagreement. You may even need to have a sit-down with your boss about something they said or did that needs to be addressed.
The second aspect is to ask for feedback after the meeting is over. Simple questions like, “Are we good now?”, “Is there anything else I can do or say to make the situation better?”, and the classic, “Will you forgive me?”. The latter works well in our marriages and relationship by the way! Some guys may see an apology as a sign of weakness. Servant-leadership says otherwise.
7. Don’t hold a grudge.
The final concept is more of an admonition. Life is too short to hold a grudge, especially against our co-workers and colleagues. People are going to piss us off. That’s a given. When that happens, we have the difficult conversation (see above) and we move on. Servant-leadership progresses past the anger and frustration with patience and perspective.
We are social creatures, and generally, we want harmony in our relationships, even at work. Of course, there are the few toxic employees that thrive on discord, but I think even they want something different. They just cannot figure out how to get there. For the rest of us who want to enjoy our work, we should look for every opportunity to forgive.
With that said, we must not be perpetual victims though. There’s the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” If you have a colleague who becomes a repeat offender, it is hard not to hold a grudge.
I recommend in those situations to instead be civil around them and clearly communicate that based on past incidences you are limiting interactions to “as needed.” This puts them on notice you’re not going to let them close enough to offend you. Maybe that’s enough for them to embark on some self-reflection and behavioral change. Not likely, but it’s possible.
Be the bigger person. Be the servant-leader.
A Promise
One of my rules in life is not to make promises I cannot keep. So I don’t make this promise lightly. With that said, I promise that if you seek to become a servant leader and you take these simple steps consistently and earnestly you will see your peers, your subordinates, and even your bosses respond in amazingly positive ways.
These simple attitudinal and relational steps will make a huge impact. That is because they empower the people with whom we work. Hopefully, we also care about them. Servant- leadership provides fertile soil in which others can grow and prosper. It will even leave a lasting legacy on our organizations. Finally, it will give you a sense of satisfaction and affirmation known only to servant-leaders.
Keep at it dads! You’re making a difference!
Cheers,
Jeff
