Realizing There’s a Problem
I put the truck in park and just stared out the windshield. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular. I just sat there. The stereo was playing music. My work radio was chirping. I didn’t hear any of it. I just sat there staring at nothing in particular.
I wondered, “What am I doing here?”
After a few moments, I snapped out of it. I went about my day and week. And the weeks after.
The problem was I found myself continuing to have these moments where I wondered what I was doing in my current job. It was confusing and alarming for a guy who previously loved coming to work.
It didn’t make sense. I work with a fantastic team. I am paid well for what I do. My job has purpose and meaning. I work in a community I love. Turns out, these didn’t seem to matter. In fact, these factors almost made the matter worse.
It felt like a downward spiral. I wasn’t enjoying a job I used to love. This made me feel guilty and wonder what was happening, which caused me to enjoy the job even less. This made me feel worse. And down the rabbit hole my mind went.
The ironic part of it all is home life is rock solid. Our marriage after 25 years gets better each year. Our kids are all on stable ground for now. And financially we’re in better shape than ever before even if there’s still more month than paycheck at times.
So why was I so damn “blah” at work?
What It Feels Like
This wasn’t just a bad day or run-in with the boss. It was an overall sense of imbalance, frustration, and melancholy at work. Hell, it might even have been some sort of “work depression.” I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
In a way, it felt like getting kicked in the crotch. It hurt a lot at first, but then the real pain set in. It ached.
Here’s what else it looked like:
- A noticeable reduction in job satisfaction.
- Spending more time pursuing distractions instead of focusing on essential tasks
- Having a lack of clarity about the future – professionally and even personally.
- Possessing increased apathy about things that should matter.
- Feeling one part of my life is spot-on (e.g., family), but my career is totally vanilla.
- Considering myself trapped at work. I didn’t want to stay, but I couldn’t leave.
The best term I could come up with was malaise. It’s not a word one uses often, if ever. It just about summed it up though.
malaise (noun) - a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify.
I was suffering from some sort of affliction I could only describe as “career malaise”.
Diagnosing the Problem As Career Malaise
As a dad, husband, Marine, and man in general, I’ve been a lifelong fixer. Identify the problem, analyze it, and set about making it right. The problem was I couldn’t even figure out what the problem was. I just knew there was a problem.
My wife and I discussed the issue a few times. More accurately, she let me blab about how I was feeling “off” at work as I attempted to sort it out. Her encouragement was always helpful, but it didn’t change the weight of what I was feeling. It just wasn’t making sense.
On one of these days following a period of immense doubt about my job and career, I did what I should have done weeks earlier. I searched the infinite wisdom of the internet. I plugged the term “career malaise” into Google.
Sure as hell, the search return showed there was such a thing.
Who friggin’ knew?!?!
I spent the next hour poring over the articles. I know better than to believe everything in the digital space, but this stuff made sense. It turns out, the idea that this struggle is real IS real. Apparently lots of folks across the professional spectrum hit this doldrums. It wasn’t just me!?!?
Yet, I wasn’t sure if I was encouraged by this revelation. Was I in good company with self-doubting folks who were otherwise normal? Or had I moved into the land of neurotic daydreamers who can’t stay the course?
I’m not sure since I’m still working through this season of life. At least the literature out there indicates this is more normal than I thought.
Working Through the Career Malaise
One of the most impactful articles I found on this topic comes out of the Harvard Business Review. In “How to Beat Mid-Career Malaise”, the author essentially explains this phenomenon is linked to a sort of mid-life crisis. It’s not the buy-a-convertible-sports-car or get-a-new-tattoo kind. It’s more like the question I found myself asking after spacing out: What am I doing here?
The HBR article gives some keen insights from career coaches and professionals who regularly help others work through similar situations. If this matter strikes a chord in you, I highly recommend taking the time to read the article.
The author shares several steps to consider if you’re wrestling with some facet of “career malaise.” She prescribes things like “reflect and reframe” and “consciously seek meaning.” You’d have to read the article to understand what each one means. Not all of them applied to my situation, but they were helpful.
The author also provides several “Principles to Remember”, which are worth sharing here:
Do:
- Diagnose the problem. Ask yourself: Is it my job? Or the organization I’m in?
- Seek meaning by making an effort to meet people who benefit from your work.
- Consider a lateral move. It’s a good way to take on new challenges and learn.
Don’t:
- Discount the power of making small changes to your routine and environment.
- Wait around for opportunities. Look for problems you want to solve and then design a new job.
- Put all your eggs in your professional basket. Think about ways to derive satisfaction through your family, faith, or a project or hobby.
In addition to the recommendations above, I have my own list of things I’m doing to work through my apparent career malaise. These are steps and tools I came across in reading up on the topic. They also include some measures I derived from thinking hard about the matter and how to proceed. They are not perfect or exhaustive. They’re just some thoughts on how to move through this season.
- Simplify. I’m putting some margin back in my life by saying “no” more than “yes” to commitments and obligations. I don’t want to commit to something if my heart is not in it.
- Focus. I’m working on being more intentional in my time with my family and kids. It shouldn’t take a quasi-mid-life crisis to make this happen, but it’s helped. I’ve always been pretty good about being in the moment with my loved ones. This has just heightened my awareness of its importance.
- Diversify. Instead of becoming too vested in my job, I’m also pursuing interests outside of work to find satisfaction, just as the author above suggests. It’s already working by the way. Sailing lessons anyone?!?!
- Wait. I’m also waiting it out. I know this season will pass. I believe we were created to work and to find fulfillment in our work. So while I might not be “all-in” currently, I’m thankful for the job I have and the people with whom I work. I’m confident I will again find the joy in it as well.
In Closing
Perhaps I am in the minority and the only one who has come across this career malaise thing.
Maybe this entire post has you wondering what the big deal is. Good on you if that’s the case. If that’s your experience, thanks for taking the time to understand the turbulence others encounter.
On the other hand, if you’re experiencing your own version of career malaise you’re not alone. Read the HBR article referenced above or this one on a strategy to counter career malaise.
Take stock of why you might be experiencing a work funk. Talk it out with a comrade. Take the steps listed above. At least you now know you’re not the only one.
In the spirit of transparency, I’ve not fully worked through this thing. I didn’t want to wait to fully get to the other side to share with you what’s going on. It would be more filtered and refined, but not as authentic.
Instead, in the vein of iron sharpening iron, I’m putting it out there. If you have other ideas or thoughts on how to weather the storm, hit me up on the contact page or directly via email here.
Lastly, thanks for taking the time to read this one. If it helps one other dad work through this strange phenomenon we’re calling “career malaise,” it was worth it.
Keep it up, Dads! You’re making a difference!
Jeff
