Fulfillment Can Be Found in Our Job

This site is all about dads trying to make a difference in their kids’ lives, their marriages, and their communities.  It would fall short if it also didn’t tackle the place we spend long hours and an inordinate amount of energy – work.  Specifically, how do we find fulfillment in the work we do and the job we have?

Some guys see work as a curse – a place to dread and an experience to avoid if at all possible.  Sort of like a fabric store.  Other men love what they do.  They enjoy the challenge, the fulfillment, or perhaps just the break from domestic life.  The range of feelings and opinions on the matter is nearly infinite.

Yet, no matter what we think or feel about work, it remains an inevitably for nearly all of us.  So how do we wrestle this bear?  How do we find fulfillment in our chosen jobs or professions?  This is one of those life questions that tends to circle back around every so often.

Moving On Versus Staying the Course

I have a colleague who seemed to be doing everything right on the job.  He had a good reputation, was very proficient, and was well-liked by everyone around him including employees and customers.  Then one day, he packed all his crap into his work locker and left an email that he was done.  No two-week notice.  No goodbyes.  He was just done with the job and the profession.  He’s still a quality dude of course – he’s just pursuing other educational and vocational interests.

I’m not sure if I was stunned or jealous by my friend’s choice.  It’s not that I don’t like my job; it’s just that I admire the stones it takes to quit cold turkey and chase another dream.  Never mind that he was now “unemployable” with our company because he did not give two weeks notice even if he changed his mind. This is the “burn-the-ships” tactic.

Five Reminders That Can Lead to Fulfillment at Work

So we’re back to the question of finding fulfillment in the jobs we have and not the jobs we think we want.  These ideas are not necessarily original, but if you reread them maybe a couple of them will stick, and the slog at work might become a bit more like a pleasant early morning walk with the dog.

Consider these ideas the next time you’re about to start singing, “Take this job and shove it…”

Whether you like the job you’re in or not, be thankful.

Let’s face it, we sometimes forget that just having a job is something that should make us thankful, whether we’re in the career of our dreams or just punching a clock to pay the bills, it is helpful to keep in mind not everyone that wants a job has one.

According to Bureau of Labor Statistics, the unemployment rate in the U.S. for the unemployed, the underemployed and the discouraged stands at 8.3% at the time of this post.  Historically, this rate is extremely low, yet it still shows there are folks out there who would appreciate having a job – even yours or mine.

In the same spirit, it’s vital for us guys with families to remind ourselves that our jobs help provide for our families, even if it’s not at the income level we’d like.  It’s easy to look down the street and see the Jones’ new car or learn of your in-law’s new $800 wood burning barbecue and think, “Damn, I chose the wrong path!”

We forget there’s very likely someone looking our way and wondering how they could afford that used pick-up truck or that 10-year old travel trailer.

Or what about the job that provides health care benefits for your family? When my middle daughter was born fifteen years ago, she had significant health complications.  The hospital bill alone was $445,000.  My copay was $150.  I couldn’t write that check fast enough.

Find ways to add value to the organization.

Somewhere in the quest to get in shape several years back, I heard the phrase, “Emotion follows motion.”  The idea was even though I didn’t want to get up early, once I did it enough times (something like 7000 it felt like), I would eventually want to get up so I could work out.

So it goes with doing things to add value to our organizations and employers.  Initially, if I don’t like my job, I am not going to be inclined to do things that require extra work or effort on my part just to make the organization better.  However, when I do those things enough times out of duty or obligation (motion), eventually I start to “feel” the importance of what I’m doing (emotion).

Our dutiful work becomes lighter, and we might find that contributing to the company’s greater good brings greater job satisfaction.  Additionally, being a team player rather than an individual malcontent is more likely to be met with additional responsibilities and commensurate rewards like increased pay, privilege, and influence.  Who doesn’t want these things?

Lastly, by focusing on the organization’s or company’s mission, our eyes are shifted from our own frustration and onto new opportunities.  As the motivational speaker and Navy SEAL Jocko Willink preaches when something goes wrong, it’s actually “GOOD.”  Focus on the fact you still have an opportunity to reengage the problems in front of you.  Consider them opportunities, not obstacles.

Find kindred spirits, but not co-conspirators.

Depending on your vocation or your profession, this one can be more or less challenging.  We should all have friends and colleagues with whom we enjoy chatting and laughing it up at work.  We should also be sensitive to our environment and recognize when the banter and jokes become cynical and start to turn into a bitch session.

I wish I could say I always practice what I preach in this area, but I don’t.   The problem becomes when I’m in the moment with my buddies at work and they start to launch into a tirade about the organization’s direction or leadership issues.  I often find myself pouring gasoline on the fire rather than suppressing it.  Not ideal.

Now don’t get me wrong.  At times, it can be cathartic to have a good fuss over some injustice or boneheaded policy that came out.  However, when the complaining and griping becomes the only reason you stand around these guys you’re building up toxins in your work environment and your bloodstream.

To find fulfillment in your job, seek out guys that build you up and leave you feeling energized.  I can still recall some specific encouraging words a much more seasoned employee passed along to me nearly fifteen years ago when I was a brand new employee.

My brother and brother-in-law are both teachers.  One thing that has always impressed me over the years is the connection they have with some of their fellow guy teachers. They go fishing together, camping together, and even have the quintessential beer and poker nights together.  That kind of fellowship and brotherhood are massively crucial in finding fulfillment in our jobs.

Don’t dwell on the uncontrollable.

I absolutely SUCK at this.  Just ask my bosses past and present.  In fact, I’m writing this for me out of self-reflection more so than for anyone else.

In Stephen Covey’s famous book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, this idea is captured in the “Circle of Influence” vs. “Circle of Concern.”  He writes, “Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern–things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather.”

I would modify the “problems at work” piece with “that you can affect.”  There are innumerable problems in any organization that most of us cannot control.  We can hope to influence them perhaps through hard work or advancement, but when we cannot control them – move onto your own set of problems.

One way to get better at this is to find someone you trust to hold you accountable in this area.  Maybe even if it’s your boss if he/she is a good one that is.  My boss happens to be terrific.  When I start griping about the CEO’s leadership style or the lack of funding for an important project, he lets me vent for a few minutes and then reminds me there’s nothing we can do about it.  Damn it I hate it when he’s right!

Focusing on the uncontrollable consumes our attention and our energy.  We have only a finite amount of time at work so why waste the mental energy and anguish on crap we cannot influence.  That does not mean we stop seeking ways to increase our influence so we can have a positive effect on the organization.  It just means having the wisdom to know when to push and when to move on.

Pursue interests and hobbies outside of work.

For some guys, this is no problem at all.  When it’s quitting time, some guys are like Fred Flinstone – off the dinosaur and into the foot-powered Prius for the drive home.  For others, work becomes an end unto itself.

When we lived in Germany, we often heard our German neighbors say, “We work to live, but you Americans live to work.”  They have a point.

Check out this factoid from a 2015 USA Today article, “The United States is the only developed country in the world without a single legally required paid vacation day or holiday. By law, every country in the European Union has at least four work weeks of paid vacation.” Did I mention we really enjoyed living in Europe?

It’s important, if at all possible, to find employment from which we get fulfillment and satisfaction.  If not, see numbers 1-4 above.  But if we do, our families are still well-served when we find interests and hobbies outside of work in which we find enjoyment.  Why?  Because rest and recreation help our minds to relax, to heal from the chaos of work, and to help our body and soul to become rejuvenated.

For our family, this looks like a camping trip next to a lake or a river.  For some guys, it is a solo fishing trip, a round of golf, or some time at the shooting range.  I know guys that brew their own beer and others who do some fantastic work with stained glass.  They all also happen to be great at their respective jobs.

I can’t prove it, but I think there’s a correlation here.  These guys have all figured the importance of having something outside of their vocations and professions that add value to their time and bring them enjoyment. Now THAT’S living!

Closing Thoughts

I believe we were designed to work.  We were made to be productive and to provide for our families.  Now don’t get me wrong.  If I were to win the Lotto tomorrow, I would no longer work for my current employer.  However, I would still “work” doing things I want to do for the betterment of my family, my community, and my country.

Short of winning the Powerball, we can still hope to find fulfillment and purpose in the job we have and maybe the job to which we aspire. When we’re not feeling these things, we can keep in mind these five simple ideas to help bring us back around to the place where getting up in the morning is a blessing and not a curse.

Keep at it, Dads!  You’re making a difference.

Cheers,

Jeff