A Clan of Leaders-in-Training

Profound Growth in an Unusual Place

It has been many moons since Suburban Dads has had new material. If you read my last post, you might think I got knocked down for good and subsequently threw in the towel. Almost, but not entirely. It was more a case of, “Where do I go from here?” After several false starts and half-written posts, I thought I’d just pick up as if nothing happened. The funny thing is, some fantastic things HAVE happened over the past few months. I joined a clan.

Around the time of my last post, I was given the very unique opportunity to start participating in a leadership development program that seemed at first to be a “nice” training opportunity. Keep in mind I have participated in some of the finest leadership training in the world (a.k.a. The United States Marine Corps). Initially, I may have even thought, “What could this program teach me?” It turns out, a lot.

No, I was not on a spiritual retreat. In fact, I was in a corporate-like training classroom frequently home to “Type-A,” results-oriented professionals. There’s no doubt some of the folks in our group were driven, success-minded go-getters, but during these particular weeks they showed up as colleagues, friends, and fellow sojourners in a big way. We encouraged one another, we challenged conventional wisdom, we shared some profound personal insights, and we bonded as a team. And the team became a clan.

A Common Cause

The group that assembled was united in a universal quest to become better leaders. That was the crux of why we were there. It was even in the title, “Leaders-in-Training.” Though the twenty-six disparate professionals had this in common, we also had some marked differences: age, experience, title, responsibility, ethnicity, gender, and even world-view. The differences in the group made the outcome of our time together even more profound.

At first glance, the program may have seemed unremarkable. It was in its eighth iteration. The curriculum was a combination of Franklin Covey material and home-grown leadership courses. Even so, something was intriguing about this group. It would take a few weeks together to understand, but eventually, the magic became clear – the material and the people were authentic.

Never Underestimate the Power of Humanity

We were told the program began as a way to increase an employee’s chances of getting promoted.  In time, it had morphed into a self-proclaimed “virus” of positive change in the organization. I was privileged because I was the first outsider to sit through the program. At some point, I was even dubbed their first “exchange student.” I was good with that.

As the orientation day gave way to several weeks together, I began to analyze why our long days together were so invigorating, challenging, and exhausting. It seemed to come down to three factors: the group encouraged honesty with ourselves while facing some potent reflective questions; I was vulnerable with a group of amazing people about my strengths and weaknesses, and the group reciprocated with similar vulnerability and trust.

In other words, it was humanity at its best.

A Tried and True Curriculum

So how does a group of strangers that have only their employer in common bond so strongly in just a few days? It seems to come down to vulnerability, trust, and a burning desire to become better people and better leaders.

Ironically, the medium that led this group from strangers to encouragers is nothing new to the professional world. It was merely Franklin Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” workshop albeit with some notable tweaks. This was followed by Covey’s “Great Leaders, Great Teams” course. Sprinkled in was some unique material about followership, system design, organizational leadership, and emotional intelligence.

The classes were taught by other employees who had been through the training program. They were formal leaders in the organization, yet they were humble and raw enough that the rest of the room believed they were authentic. (They were.) As program alumni, they believed in the mission and the “why” people were there. More importantly, though, they modeled transparency and vulnerability. Clearly, they were practicing what they were preaching. It was Leadership 101 kind of stuff.

Is “Intentionality” a Real Word?

At regular intervals during the course, we were prompted to share what we thought about what we wanted from our leaders and what those we lead wanted from us. Time and again, I came back to the idea of being intentional. I think at one point I even used the word, “intentionality,” even though I’m not sure that’s a real word. (I’m still wondering if it is?)

The material and the discussion reminded me that as a husband, father, and colleague, I want to be intentional. I want to recognize the leadership opportunities around me and capitalize on them. I do not want to squander the time I’m given to love my family and engage my coworkers and neighbors. I was reminded not to be accidentally effective.

Instead, I realized I wanted to purposely and intentionally take advantage of the situations around me to add value to the lives of the people with whom I work and interact. That was the idea that kept coming back to me time and again during our time together as leaders-in-training. I wanted to “Carpe Diem” vigorously!

A Call to Risk

Let’s face it. Men are not very good at this relationship stuff. We do not like to talk about the “F-word” (feelings), and we’ve never uttered the word “vulnerable” in the first person. Nope. Instead, we’d rather talk about Sunday’s game or the weather outside or how busy we are. We never really take a risk with the relationships we have outside of our immediate family. What the hours and days with this group reminded me is we should – no, we must.

Being vulnerable with co-workers and colleagues requires sensitivity for sure, but it doesn’t mean we cannot be authentic with one another. At first, my fellow students in the room were just students. Eventually, we became friends because we trusted one another with our dreams, our fears, and our desire to grow into better versions of ourselves. Every person in the room risked judgment, and they were rewarded with authentic encouragement. And love. Yep – the “L” word. Imagine a world where fathers, husbands, lovers, friends, neighbors, and colleagues do the same. Seriously, imagine it.

Vulnerability = Opportunity

As I think back on the many hours together, I come back to one poignantly powerful moment. It took place on our second or third day together. We were instructed to bring in an item to share with the class that represented something important to us. Keep in mind we barely knew each other at this point.

What transpired was what I’ll call the “deep magic” of relationships and vulnerability. The class members brought in religious mementos, family pictures, and even a pace-maker. There might have also been a few tears shed due to the gravity of the moment. Then there was one young lady who brought in a framed puzzle she and her mom had put together just before her mom died.

The young woman’s husband had the puzzle framed for her as a surprise. She fought back the tears as she told us she had never shared the moment with anyone before. In an instant, she changed the rules in that room. She risked her vulnerability, and we all recognized it. And we went from being a group of students in a leadership class to a clan bound by the shared desire to be better colleagues, friends, and people.

In Closing

Suburban Dads has been silent for a few months because I had to reckon with why it even existed. Clearly, there was a bit of writer’s block involved, too, but at the center of the silence was a struggle of wanting to be authentic and vulnerable in a way that encouraged dads, husbands, partners, and colleagues.

The journey with my leaders-in-training clan reminded me the prize is not in the destination, but in the journey itself. May we all remember what we’re doing as dads and leaders is making a difference in the lives of those around us – especially if we’re willing to risk a bit of ourselves for those we love.

To my LIT8 clan – all love.

Jeff